One Situation that Can Produce Ambivalence
Sooner or later, everyone has the experience of losing a loved one through death. For some who are dying, the illness or injury is very difficult and painful; for others it may be less so or even, for some, instantaneous.
And likewise, for those left behind. The spectrum of reactions runs from great distress to calm acceptance. If the loved one is elderly and/or dies slowly, most of the mourning may take place even before the death. If the loss is of a young person, or is sudden, the reaction will be traumatic.
Ambivalent Feelings Increase Your Distress
But the most difficult kind of loss is of a person toward whom you have ambivalent feelings. The negative feelings may be accompanied by painful feelings of guilt, but the most distressing aspect of the difficulty lies in the alternation of positive and negative feelings. As you alternate between feeling regret for the person's death and perhaps glad that they have died, or angry at them for dying, this alternation creates an additional source of distress.
Whether the alternation occurs in or out of awareness, the back-and-forth that it causes increases the distress caused by an already painful situation and prolongs the mourning process.
Handling Ambivalence
Reacting to a death is but one of many situations that can cause ambivalence. No matter what the cause, if the ambivalent feelings occur within your awareness, you can identify that you are having these shifts, and you can know that both the negative and positive thoughts about that situation are there for a reason. Both sets of feelings are valid. You can acknowledge and accept both sets of feelings.
If the ambivalence is occurring out of your awareness, you will know only that you are feeling distress; you won't fully understand it. The Emotional Comfort® Tool can help. In Step 3, make a wish for a new mental pathway that will be dedicated to helping you with your current distressful feelings.
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