Why We Say Yes When We Shouldn't. And What to Do About It
Have you ever said "yes" to something only to feel afterward that you should have said "no?" What if you have too much to do and can't really fit this extra task in? What if you're tired? What if you just don't want to do it?
So Why Did You Say "Yes?"
Was the person making the request in need? A need that you wanted to help with? A need that you felt obligated to help with? That you would have felt guilty refusing?
Were others present and would you have felt embarrassed to say "No" in front of them?" Would they have thought poorly of you? That you were lazy or selfish?
Was the person a superior to whom you were afraid to say "no?"
Or did you have an unrealistic notion about how much you could do? (In the past, I've been guilty of that!)
When Do These Situations Arise?
Social Invitations: You’re invited to a gathering, but you already know the environment won’t be enjoyable: too noisy or too superficial.
Work Requests: At work, you may be asked to do something outside your role—not because you're the best fit, but because you're unlikely to say no. When people count on your compliance, you're being used, not respected.
Family or Friends: Someone close wants you to join an activity you don’t enjoy, like watching a show you dislike.
Moral Dilemmas: Sometimes you’re asked to do something that goes against your values. Saying yes in those moments means compromising your integrity.
Effects of Saying “Yes” When You Shouldn’t
Agreeing to something you shouldn't do leads to anxiety and overwhelm. You may freeze or overwork yourself trying to meet impossible expectations. If the task is something you resent, you'll likely feel angry at yourself and at the person who asked.
Your Inner Guide Can Help Prevent These Situations
As you give it regular time to work, your Inner Guide will have you say "no" instead of "yes" when it's appropriate. It comes naturally. You don't have to think about it, although afterward, you may reflect on the situation and your choice.
If you don't yet have an Inner Guide, I'll soon be offering a new way to acquire one.
