You Need Not.
Do you worry what others think? Have you ever changed your behavior to avoid judgment? Did you hesitate to speak up in a meeting, afraid that someone would think your idea was stupid? Did you wear something uncomfortable because you thought it was necessary for the circumstances? Did you avoid asking for help because someone thought it might make you look dumb?
Well, Yes.
You experienced the situation that caused you to hold back, or otherwise change your behavior, as a threat. And you learned, at a young age, that, more often than not, the best response to a threat was to comply. Did a parent tell you to do something you didn't want to do? Non-compliance might well result in punishment. You learned to comply.
As you grew and developed, the response of compliance generalized, so that every stimulus that signified a threat was responded to with compliance. Unless the option of fleeing was present. There are times when a person might choose to rebel rather than comply. This is more likely if they are part of a rebellious group, rather than rebelling solo. Rebelling almost always occurs when it feels safe to do so.
Are You Content to Reflexively Comply?
Deep down you know that habitual compliance is not the best way of responding to situations. Depending on the circumstances, it leads to feelings of uneasiness, cowardice, self-criticism, physical discomfort, resentment, and helplessness. What can you do to avoid these feelings?
Your Inner Guide Can Help.
It doesn’t reflexively choose compliance. It evaluates each situation and chooses the best response: sometimes to comply and sometimes not to, depending on the circumstances. As you give your Inner Guide regular time to work, these choices enter your awareness and you can respond optimally, without feeling uncomfortable.
- Should you speak up in a meeting? Your thoughts may be necessary and serve to move the group's thinking forward. You will know this and speak with confidence.
- Should you wear something uncomfortable? You'll find clothes that are appropriate without being uncomfortable. But: women, what about a bra? Fellas, what about a necktie? Your Inner Guide has the ability to provide a negative hallucination; that is, a negation of any feeling of discomfort. You don't feel the bra. You don't feel the tie.
- Should you ask for help? That's usually better than the alternative.
If you already have an Inner Guide and give it regular time to work, it is helping you in these situations. If you don’t yet have an Inner Guide, next week I’ll be offering a new way to acquire one.
